"Dear Woman Who Has Given
Since the publication of her ground-breaking book Love and Limerence,
Dr. Tennov received thousands letters that say,
“Thank you for letting me know I am not alone, and I'm not crazy.”
The headline at the top of this web page captures the desperation of so many of those letters...
If you're one of those caught up in limerence you know ... that your feelings can range from euphoria (some people seem to enjoy the high—one couple even named their sailboat 'Limerence') to abject misery. Your emotional state rises and falls with the way that the person who is the object of your affections (the one Dr. Tennov calls the “Limerent Object”) responds to you … or fails to...
Reading this eBook is a step toward understanding the maelstrom you're caught in.
Limerence, at its best, draws people together—limerence draws couples together, to make marriage commitments, build families, and propagate the species. Too often, however, limerence spurs people into regrettable decisions (like running off with a ‘heart-throb’), breaks up families, and shatters hearts.
The information in this eBook can be your first step toward discovering, “What is this thing that we call love—but is not love?” It contains most of Dr. Dorothy Tennov’s mature work.
you’re “caught in limerence”
reading the information in this new eBook
can be the first step in taking your life back.
A Scientist Looks at Romantic Love and Calls
Whether you're the
one afflicted with limerence (the “limerent”)
already a victim of limerence ... related to a victim of limerence ...
or "already know about" limerence,
then you might click here to skip this "explanation" section.
On the other hand, if this an eye-opening revelation to you, then please read on)
If this is your first exposure to the term “limerence” ... if you find yourself saying, “This book must have been written for me...” ... then perhaps it was—Ordering and reading this eBook can be the first step in taking your life back...
What Is Limerence?
Dr. Tennov's Definition:
Limerence is a distinct state that creates that “feeling of being in love”— that state which Hollywood loves to portray as “love”... but limerence is really as far from the genuine article as a zircon is from a true diamond.
— Dorothy Tennov
Limerence is a state of mind, usually termed “having a crush” ... “infatuation” ... “passionate love” ... “puppy love” ... “romantic love” or “being in love,” but it is important to note that limerence is neither love nor sexual attraction. Love, sexual attraction, and limerence can all exist without each other or any or all of them can coexist together.
Limerence begins as a barely perceptible feeling of increased interest in a particular person (who is known as the limerent object) but, if nurtured by appropriate conditions, can grow to enormous intensity. In most cases it also declines, eventually to zero or to a low level. At this low level limerence is either transformed, through reciprocation, or it is transferred to another person — who then becomes the new limerent object.
Under the best of conditions the waning of limerence into mutuality is accompanied by the growth of the emotional response more suitably described as love.
[Dr. Tennov comments—
"But that's the best case for limerence. That may not happen in your particular case."
You can read all of her latest thoughts on this 'thing called limerence' in her new eBook]
Limerence has certain general, basic components:
“But, unlike real love or affection, limerence is all-consuming.
Other aspects of the limerent's life—including love—
are often sacrificed to this desperate need.”
If you're caught in limerence, reading the information in this new eBook
can help you understand this strange sensation you're caught up in ...
and that can be the first step in reclaiming your life.
Limerence is not love, nor is it sexual attraction. Physical attraction plays a key role in the development of limerence, but is not enough to either create or satisfy the limerent desire, and is seldom the main focus. The limerent object, in order to become the limerent object, must be a potential sex partner—that is, the LO must be a person of the limerent's “preferred” sex. However, sex is neither essential to perpetuate limerence, nor adequate to satisfy the limerent need.
For limerence to develop fully, some form of uncertainty or even some threat to reciprocation appears to be necessary. An externally imposed obstacle may also serve, such as societal restraints or parental disapproval.
Limerence becomes more and more intrusive. This is invariably an expectant and often joyous period, as the limerent focuses on the limerent object’s admirable qualities. Under the appropriate blend of hope and uncertainty, limerence intensifies. At its peak, almost all waking thoughts revolve around the limerent object. The limernent reaction may peak for days or weeks, or it may drop and rise again several times before the final decline...
The Wikipedia article says that the final decline ... almost always follows.
left to run its course, that decline, if it comes at all,
Whether one of your goals is merely to understand
what's happening to you ....
The Wikipedia article also says—
“Nothing has ever been so 'invisible in plain sight',” Dr. Tennov says of “limerence” ... invisible because most people—especially those who have never been afflicted by limerence—refuse to admit that it even exists. But if you have ever been a victim of limerence—as either the limerent (the one afflicted) or the limerent object (the object of the limerent's affections)—then you know that this is real. You know that you need a source of information and guidance to help you take back your life. You need the information in Dr. Tennov's new eBook.
Limerence is not “puppy love” ... Limerence is not infatuation ...
Although we see it all around us, full-blown limerence is almost impossible for the "uninitiated” to imagine.
During 35 years of research, and especially since the publication of her classic work, Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love, Dr. Tennov has received thousands of emails and handwritten letters, anonymously filed, that say, over and over, “Thank you for letting me know I am not alone, and not crazy, and that this feeling has a name.”
One desperate letter writer cried,
“I can't even tell my psychiatrist—
He'll think I'm crazy!”
The feelings of a man or woman caught up in limerence (the person Dr. Tennov calls a “limerent”) can range from euphoria to misery, from the “greatest happiness” to suicidal grief. Yet, when the limerent cries out for help, most people won't even acknowledge that limerence exists. “Get over it,” they'll say .... or “It'll pass.”
But you don't get over it ... and it doesn't pass. And most counselors and “professionals” have nothing to offer you.
new eBook has the information you need to understand limerence.
Understanding can be your first step to freedom. In her new novel, The Trial, included on the eBook, Dr. Tennov lays out, in an easy-to-read fictional format, a clear explanation of limerence — including —
A Scientist Looks at Romantic Love and Calls It "Limerence" contains most of Dr. Dorothy Tennov's mature work, including decades of responses and reactions to her original, groundbreaking work Love and Limerence.
It also includes her e-mail address, through which you can contact the author, with your own stories, in confidence (for research purposes and possible comment). Dr. Tennov welcomes comments from all readers, and invites them to share both negative and positive reactions.
This new eBook brings you all of these stories ... The Trial, Brew3 Quintet, and The Limerence Retreat each show limerence from a new and different perspective—
In this novel, Dr. Tennov tells the "story" of limerence ... (also, of interest to professionals in the field, she tells the research story as it actually happened ... and as it might happen).
For those trapped in limerence, this novel explains, in language that almost all victims of limerence will understand—
The information conveyed in Dr. Tennov's new novel
may be as close to a “Self-Help Manual”
—in an easy to read fictional format—
as a victim of limerence will ever find.
Written between June 2001, and January 2002, The Trial is a full-length novel in which a client sues her psychotherapist for his limerence-inspired advances. Dr. Tennov uses the fictional court proceedings that follow to dramatize a debate about the merits of psychotherapy, based on real journal articles. Dr. Tennov also demonstrates the use and validity of scientific approaches to human experience. Within the novel, reactions to two of her earlier books are thinly disguised reality, ... e.g., in the novel, limerence is called Love Two and two authors (Alan Browne and Pamela Cushing) stand in for Dr. Tennov.
The Trial (A Love Story) also looks at what Dr. Tennov sees as problematic aspects of psychotherapy as practiced and promoted in the United States, and the nature and effects of physiologically-based means of control over limerence. She references many books and articles that discuss ongoing controversies about psychotherapy.
She also references numerous sources — from personal testimonies to professional articles — that tend to confirm her central theses of limerence — that limerence is an isolable entity at the core of human reproduction and virtually controls many aspects of human behavior.
When you order this new eBook directly from the publisher, you'll also get—
In this full-length comedy, characters from The Trial find themselves sole possessors of a new scientifically proven “Love Two” [Limerence] Potion. Look in on them as they attempt to deal with the personal and social implications of controlling limerence medicinally.
If society could control limerence with medication, should we try? Could we succeed?
The Limerence Retreat is a dialogue among six fictional characters from a variety of limerence-related backgrounds as they deal with evidence of the existence of limerence from raw data.
Two additional short plays depict the nursing home experience from two perspectives –
However, when you order now, while supplies of
the initial run last,
your eBook will also include:
Your eBook will also include a number of Dr. Tennov's papers, essays, book reviews, colleague reactions, and media reactions.
You'll also get to share testimonial letters from readers of Love and Limerence (Tennov, 1979; 1999). Some are ebullient ... Others cry out in pain. Will you see yourself reflected in these letters?
Dr. Tennov continues to take controversial stands on contemporary issues. This bonus section includes almost all of her recent fiction and nonfiction pieces — on human nature science, religion, racism, human ethology, politics, etc.— which have not previously been published or posted.
Dr. Tennov writes, “It is rare that an artificial term, invented, and chosen deliberately to be without cognates, that originates at a known date and place, expands tractably during a quarter-century, across disciplines and continents, sometimes arriving at meanings different from that intended by its inventor.”
(By the way, if you “Google” on the word “limerence” today, you'll discover over 120,000 references, from rock music groups to neurology articles. People have adopted the word in literature, poetry, as the name of a consulting business, and even pornography.)
Below is a free sample from this eBook — it contains selections from Dr. Dorothy Tennov's compelling new novel, The Trial (A Love Story). In this novel, Dr. Tennov imagines a psychologist so caught up in limerence that he dares to express his feelings to Nancy, a trusting patient — However, Nancy turns out to also be both an unwilling “limerent object” and a newspaper reporter. She quickly files a law suit that threatens to destroy his practice ... his reputation ... and and his marriage.
Dr. Tennov uses this novel to take you on both
a personal and a scientific
exploration into the frequent, though not universal, experience of
limerence. It is based on actual events and real
situations. It is a step toward discovering, “What
is this thing called love”... and, perhaps more important to
you, personally ... “How do I regain control over
A Scientist Looks at Romantic Love and Calls
Whether you're the
one afflicted with limerence (the "limerent")
But right now, you
can order direct for a limited time
The Trial opens with a series of callers to a radio talk show....The subject of the talk show is the widely-publicized, pending lawsuit against Dr. Peter Young.
The comments depicted here are typical of the thousands of letters
Dr. Tennov has received over the years, in which
'limerents' (people who suffer from limerence), as well as
those whom she calls 'limerent objects' (the object of a limerent's unwanted fixation),
and professionals struggle to deal with “this thing called limerence.”
(In The Trial, Dr. Tennov has substituted the term “Love Two” for “Limerence.”)
Man from Milwaukee:
As one who has on many occasions been the object of the irrational passions of others, I have a unique perspective on the proceedings. My opinion is that such people have succumbed to a virtually criminal level of irrationality in which they act against their own long-term interests. I could have written the movie Fatal Attraction, in which a rejected lover takes ugly revenge. I have been threatened.
Man from Boston:
Being the object of loving attentions has resulted in delightful encounters. There are problems for the weak, the empathic, or the overly moral, but if men can tolerate smothering attentions and allow their lovers to do what they want to do for them, there can be many delightful benefits. Only take care NOT to be the one who “loves.” It's only being the object of passion that is useful. After all, it is a matter of their choices and their sins. The object of another's fixation can, if he or she is wise, enjoy pleasure without responsibility…But it is something I give to the woman, not something I feel. I enjoy; she, at least temporarily, is transported to a state of ecstasy that I can only wonder at. For me it's fun; it's more than that for her. The trial clarified some things I'd have preferred not be clarified.
Man from Delaware Village, Vermont:
The Young case demonstrated what I have always known: It is that to leave the church is to do the bidding of the immoral antichrist. It is to walk with Satan. Put a godless man in a position of power, and he will use it to do the Devil's work. God bless.
Woman from Seattle:
The person I
am calling about, who will be nameless, was lovesick. His wife had left
him for another man. He could not stop wanting her and
he could not stop believing it was possible to get her back. I could
see what he was going through. It was just like in the book about Love
Two that they talked about at the trial—which meant
he really couldn't help how he felt. I tried
to explain to them that it was not his fault and
that the man was not really crazy, just obsessed in this one way. But
the members of the church were outraged. They said I was contradicting
the doctrine of free will and individual responsibility. That was also
their attitude toward the Young Case. They said that Dr. Young chose to
feel the way he did, and he chose to do what he did.
Woman from New York:
I don't believe in this Love Two nonsense. There is no such thing as not being able to control your own thoughts, at least not outside the nut house. They are just trying to excuse their indulgences. That's all I want to say.
Woman from Arlington:
I felt sorry
for Dr. Young. There, but for the luck of the draw, could have gone
anyone. Even from the biased newspaper accounts, I could see
the poor man's quandary. He did nothing wrong! Nancy
Mackintosh wasn't the victim; Dr. Young was the victim. He was only
looking out for her interests. Certainly he was wounded by the
publicity. It's not the sort of thing one wants to expose to the world,
whichever way you look at it.
Man from Alabama:
The human experience transcends what science can know. Science has no business messing with it. Love is sacred. It is wrong to try to tamper with love. Our humanity is under threat from these so-called scientists who carry on about Limerence.
Woman from Phoenix:
I went right out and bought the book they were talking about at the trial. It told me that I was not alone! Maybe it is madness, but it is a normal kind of madness generally restricted to the one aspect of life. Except that it can take over other aspects. Dr. Young's vision got clouded.
Male from Kansas:
so-called Limerence stories bore me and probably
other listeners too. Psychotherapy? It's for the unbalanced. That whole
case made a mountain out of a mole's hill. It's nothing. Can we please
get off the Young case and get back to something important, like global
warming, nuclear waste, or international terrorism?
Woman from Maine:
My mother would spend long periods in what she called her “time of quiet contemplation.” She would sit alone or she would lie on a couch or in her hammock lost to everything except what was going on in her mind. Mother had been dead for ten years before I understood what had been happening. Although I had read the her diary, the clippings, and the letters, I could not decode them until the Young case woke me up. I hadn't known about the emotion or the pain, and I was especially ignorant about the joy of it. For Mother, that man was the most important thing in life. He was a beacon of light and a source of exquisite pain and infinite pleasure. He gave meaning to her life, maybe a kind of meaning that others find in religion. Limerence is a powerful force. Nancy had learned to be careful, which was why she had to bring the suit against Dr. Young.
Man from Delaware:
For me, Limerence
is a phony love with no redeeming features. I've been there.
She had me in her grip; she pulled my strings and pushed my buttons.
But it was all beneath the surface. She was unaware. It was not
deliberate on her part, and I never committed the Young error. Maybe I
was too shy. It would have been too embarrassing to fail, and it was
too irrational to be revealed. I guess that, as a psychotherapist, Dr.
Young had more ways to rationalize the act, more bases for convincing
himself that his Limerence conception of Nancy was
correct, thereby overruling his professional judgment. At times I
thought I was crazy, neurotic, or whatever silly thing you want to call
it. But the worst of it was the wasteful inanity. Some
foreign, tantalizing, but ultimately evil thing had taken possession of
me. It undermined my professional life and broke up my home.
Man from Toronto:
The Young case
was important to me; it showed me that even though my
feelings were crazy, I could see that I was not.
Man from Florida:
I'm tired of
this story and I'm tired of these calls about Dr. Young. His trial is a
swindle, and someone should be sued for wasting taxpayer's money. It
was the stupidest and most boring soap opera I ever heard of. The man
did nothing, nothing happened, and the insurance companies won big time.
Woman from Nebraska:
The rules are simple and obvious. Ask Shakespeare. Once struck by Cupid's arrow or after downing the love potion, a person is transported to a new state of motivation. Young was playing by the rules of the wrong game.
Now that you've seen a sample from Dr. Tennov's new eBook—
Begin to “Take
Your Life Back”
Free Bonus If You Act Now...
Order today, and receive an additional free
Order now ...
now ... (it's quick and it's easy) and
take the first step in taking back your life with
A Scientist Looks at Romantic Love & Calls It Limerence --
The Collected Works of Dorothy Tennov (eBook)
Dr. Dorothy Tennov - Summer 2005
Dr. Tennov writes...
I like ... [what you've written on this site] ... I think it might be a large step toward attracting the attention of limerent sufferers — and maybe even researchers.
[Dr. Tennov's photo may be used only where relevant & appropriate, and only with permission of the publisher.
Please retain URL to www.gramps.org/limerence on photo (and provide link or citation in a caption)]
Obviously, no researcher can predict how you will apply the lessons given here. But if you don't agree that, in this groundbreaking eBook, Dr. Tennov accurately describes the symptoms of limerence, lays out its most-likely course, and suggests paths to break its cycle, you can return the eBook for a full and complete refund, even two full years later with no questions asked. The bonus material will still be yours to keep. So order now...
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